Orgasm, often felt or thought of as the goal, and the end, of having sex, can be elusive and even impossible for some men and women. For others – can happen so quickly that the sexual encounter is considered “over” before it began.
In many cultures including America, little to no education about sex or sexual anatomy is provided, or worse, MIS information comes at us from television, movies, magazines, schools and churches, pornography…other people…this causes a lot of painful and confusing problems!
Let’s bust some common assumptions made:
- There is no “NORMAL’ amount of sex to have, nor length of time that sex should last – some people like a lot, others don’t – no scientific “NORM” has been established
- Many people enjoy sex for reasons other than orgasm
- ”SEX” is NOT limited to INTERCOURSE nor does it end when the man has an orgasm
- Men & women have “tools” other than the penis, for enjoying sex and reaching orgasm
- ”GOOD” SEX IS NOT A NATURAL ACT, even if basic instinctive mating MAY be – most people need to LEARN about themselves, each other, and sexuality
- BOTH men and women can learn to extend pleasure and be multiply orgasmic
- CONNECTION with the partner and the overall experience of being together sexually (not specifically or primarily orgasm) is what more people report as seeking;
when they learn to connect, it's what they want; when they don’t have connection, it's what they miss
Let’s get a few facts clear:
- Only about 30% of women reportedly have orgasms from intercourse alone – most women need direct and consistent clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm
- The “G” spot is a real part of female anatomy, does provide stimulation, can aid in reaching and increasing number and intensity of orgasms
- Pornography is a fine stimulator for many individuals and couples, but is NOT usually a good source for learning sexual skills – those women are most often ACTING – NOT COMING, those men are often using pills and other aids to make them last longer
- Orgasm is a series of spasms that involve the spinal cord and other parts of the anatomy of men and women – but the BRAIN remains the most powerful sex organ which influences and responds to orgasm and the entire sexual experience
- In nature, the male in the barnyard that impregnates the most females has most chance of sending forth his own genes – “coming fast” may be hardwired in some men (which does NOT mean that they can’t learn to “last longer” – humans are NOT just barnyard animals!)
If you ejaculate more rapidly THAN YOU WANT TO, if you do not orgasm easily, ever, or as often AS YOU WANT TO, you can LEARN!
*experience “whole person” sex, (not just genital sex)*
*be in control of when and how often, you orgasm - as PART OF your sexual experience with yourself and others.*
Whether partnered or single, you may need guidance, information, and support from a sex counselor or therapist. You also want to rule out physical and medical issues that could be preventing you from sexual pleasure.
Sexual health is more than the absence of disease…sexual pleasure is more than a few seconds of orgasm (or no orgasm at all) after a frustrating, sexual experience.
