Dr. Rhea

Rhea Orion,

Ph.D, CSC AASECT
certified sexuality counselor

Call 707 266 1269 or email
lovedoc@holisticounseling.org
for a free consultation

Dr. Rhea - relationship & sexuality counseling

Dysfunction, or understandable reaction?

Women have benefited from a women’s liberation revolution. Men have also benefited because women are more independent, aggressive, sexually knowledgeable and available. Sex does not have to result in pregnancy and responsibility or marriage. Seems like men have it all going their way! So what man would want to rock the boat?

But I have long wished for a “men’s lib.” Men and heterosexual women lose out because we don’t question the roles and pressures we place on men. Men have not had to explore and expand themselves in the ways that oppressed groups of people do. Of course many men have evolved with the times. Often sexual complaints brought to physicians and sex therapists offices by men and couples stem from traditional and unchallenged roles and limitations placed on men.

“Erectile Dysfunction” has become a household phrase – thanks to the marketing of erectile enhancers such as Viagra. But what is a “dysfunction”?

Clinically the word is used to indicate a problem that often can be covered by insurance! Generally people accept the word as meaning "not functioning normally."

But what is normal? And what causes the penis not to work “normally”?

Any man is understandably upset if his penis does not get hard when he wants it to. If this happens frequently a man’s life and relationships can be seriously and negatively impacted. The man and his partner(s) have painful and confusing feelings when no hard-on happens.

Sometimes medical and physical issues do cause the penis not to swell with blood when the brain and physical stimulation would have it do so. It is very important to get a physical examination. Even when medical and physical causes for “ED” exist, even when erectile enhancers do help, sex counseling can be important because cognitive and emotional issues have probably developed from the experience of having “ED” as well as relationship issues which may not disappear just because an erection finally does appear.

Further, erectile enhancers help the penis – not the brain chemistry or relationship skills of people trying to have sex with each other. Thoughts, feelings, and chemistry can still interfere with developing a positive and fulfilling sex life.

PRESSURE is often part of the cause of ED. Let’s counter some myths about men that cause pressure:

  • NO man is ALWAYS able to get an erection ANY time, under ANY circumstances, with ANY person
  • the penis is NOT a machine, functioning independently and on demand
  • if a man does not get a hard on, it DOES NOT automatically indicate that he is not turned on by, or doesn’t love, his partner
  • the penis is NOT the only tool available to partners for pleasurable sex
  • intercourse is NOT the full definition of “having sex”
  • the BRAIN remains the largest sex organ! Unless physical/medical issues are impairing penile function, thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, have MOST to do with getting hard, and staying hard
  • STRESS in life can impair penile function, including tiredness, mental stress, smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol, being overweight, life events, grief, and many other things
  • not being comfortable or stimulated as needed can interfere
  • men OF ALL AGES can have difficulty getting or keeping erections
  • men OF ALL AGES can learn to develop some control over their erection and ejaculations

A combination of physical/medical examination/treatment if needed, plus sex counseling/therapy with a qualified sex therapist trained in traditional and alternative approaches
can help most men
FUNCTION AS THEY WOULD LIKE TO
Not as they’ve been pressured to

START YOUR OWN MEN’S LIB:
QUESTION SEX ROLES AND LIMITATIONS
~
EXPAND YOURSELF AND YOUR RELATIONSHIPS
~
LEARN TO HAVE – AND BE – THE SEX PARTNER
NO ONE TOLD YOU ABOUT

Call 707 266 1269, or email lovedoc@holisticounseling.org for a free consultation.