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If you have life long or long-term impairments you may be used to limitations, you may be among those who have developed a positive life including some work and relationships that you enjoy. If so – fantastic! Unfortunately and understandably, people new to chronic illness or disability and many with long term, don’t know how to enjoy life, don’t have meaningful work, may have few friend relationships and no romantic ones.

If you have become impaired or ill, changes and loss can be extremely upsetting. Athletes may be forced to become spectators, career oriented people may become unable to work, sociable people may regress into isolation, independent people may be forced to become more dependent on others. Some find they can’t maintain many relationships. Some lose people they thought were friends. Many conditions cause sexual pain or dysfunction.

When family is a problem: Sometimes well meaning family and friends can unwittingly cause problems. Caregivers, naturally wishing to protect the disabled friend or family member, may discourage or interfere with romantic involvement, prevent them joining various activities, and may dote too much on the person coping with illness or impairment.

Research shows that many impaired or chronically ill persons who are encouraged to make friends and date, are mentally and physically healthier and enjoy better quality of life.

This can be understandably difficult for caregivers to accept and allow. Determining what is possible and safe for impaired persons may require outside professional assistance. Physicians and professional counselors familiar with these issues can help everyone feel confident about the ABILITIES of the impaired or ill person, and learn what is safe and reasonable for them to do.

Depression is a common co-existing condition to acquired and long-term disabilities. Depression makes physical health even worse, and creates a cycle of staying down.

A certain amount of shock and feeling down are normal reactions to loss or disability. When depression becomes unwavering, lasts for long periods, and interferes with what can be normal for that person’s life, professional help is needed.

Managing Positively

Deal with depression: If you can approach life complicated by impairment/chronic illness with specific positive behaviors, you can help control ongoing or growing depression. If you have understandable difficulty rising above negative thoughts and feelings with positive actions, get specialized help to keep depression from becoming overwhelming and consuming. Many people who do not have an illness or disability struggle with depression and need help!

Gather facts: Becoming educated about your particular condition can help you control fear of the unknown. Without facts from a variety of sources, you may develop distorted thoughts and unnecessary fears.

Avoid isolation: Feeling physically bad, feeling worthless, lack of confidence, and other discouraging thoughts and emotions can develop with long term and increased disability. You may not feel like joining family and friends. But it is important to maintain contact with other people and include yourself in activities. Here are some options that you may be able to try:

• spend time with family and friends
• take a class, on—line or at a local adult ed center or community college
• join a support group for people with your disability or illness
• regularly do any form of movement or exercise that you can
• join a spiritual or church group, or learn about various spiritual activities
• do any work you are capable of
• volunteer or help others in any way you can
• share hobbies
• join interest groups
• join on line groups and look for events to attend
• listen to music, which is proven to have powerful effects on brain and emotion
• if your life allows, have a pet
• if going places is a problem and your situation allows, have small parties or interest group events where you are

Of course your physical condition may limit your ability to do some of these things, but if you’re not active because these or any other activities feel impossible to you, support groups or a counselor knowledgeable about illness and disability can help you find your strengths, and connect with people who value and accept you along with your limitations.

Call 707 266 1269, or email lovedoc@holisticounseling.org for a free consultation.